It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)

Happy New Year! Hope you're prepared to die.

December 21, 2012. Not sure what's to come, but if you read or watch almost anything, we are to believe that a kaleidoscope of craziness is supposed to rear its bad-ass head on we poor earthlings, sending us to the hereafter.

Of course, I trust the Mayan calendar as much as I trust that Doctor Emmett Brown will swoop back from the future in the Delorean and save us all. But alas, it's fun to play along. And whether it's the impending Mayan doomsday calendar date, or a zombie apocalypse, we can all probably stand to be a little more prepared.

First though, it's important (I think) to know what we're up against. Spending an amazingly little amount of time with my good friend Google, I found that the following are our (Americans) biggest threats:

Gulf Coast Tsunami, East Coast Tsunami, Heat Waves, Earthquakes in the Midwest, Supervolcano, Los Angeles Tsunami, Asteroid Impact, New York Hurricane, Pacific Northwest Megathrust Earthquake.

Sounds, to me, like we all better learn to surf with all the giants waves coming this way. That and invest in some sunscreen for the impending heat waves. Bring it on!

But what about the real survival tips if things get really out of hand, you may ask. For this I consulted Wired.com's article on surviving a zombie attack. Here's what I found particularly insightful:

Know your zombies -- be it natural zombies, supernatural zombies, alien zombies, creep down the street or whomever, I think the important take away is to spend a brief moment trying to understand your adversary.

Stock up on some weapons -- rifles apparently are more accurate than handguns, so Wired recommends a rifle with any ammo larger than .22 caliber. Good luck packing that in your messenger bag!

Keep your head, stay cool and keep moving -- this you can put into practice daily. In other words, get fit fatty. Herbert Spencer and Charles Darwin may've been onto something after all.

And of course, for when the proverbial shit hits the proverbial fan, you're going to want a 72-hour emergency meal and survival kit.

These look cool and who wouldn' want some Mylar-pouch teriyaki for noshing as a warm-up to noshing on your neighbor:

http://www.providentmetals.com/deluxe-survival-kit-emergency-food-and-survival-supplies.html

Lastly, the end of the world wouldn't be nearly as fun without a butt-kickin' soundtrack to jam to until your iPhone battery runs out. Here's some selections from my preferred playlist:

Iggy and The Stooges -- Search and Destroy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E-ImJh7HAMU&ob=av2n

The Misfits -- Astro Zombies
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TA6P6ErY4mk

Drowning Pool -- Bodies
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sO_QntXc-c4

Ramones -- SLUG
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xD_qCUHSvZw

Riverboat Gamblers -- Don't Bury Me..I'm Still Not Dead
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rZFGetJG9U&ob=av2n

REM -- It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_eyFiClAzq8

Happy surviving!